Stickmen Report

There was once a peaceful tribe of stickmen, who were about 1/100 our size. They were very hard to see, being 2 dimensional, and all, but they survived in their own happy village and town. Until one day, humans started appearing. These humans built their homes right on top of the stickmen's huts, crushed them when they walked, and spat tobacco juice inside their well (now known as spittoons, which were dug up first in about the 1400s, and became popular in the 1800s, and so the generic manufacture of these began). One day, one of the stickmen cracked. He couldn't take it anymore. He went around biting all of the humans he could find... Now, in the west, they didn't take too kindly to this behavior. After a while of hearing complaints, Deputy Dan decided he should do something about it... He rounded up all the stickmen he could find, and put them on a conveyer belt, took out is gun, and had himself the very first shooting gallery.

Well, the stickmen realized that they were facing genocide, the end of all stickmen, so they dug small tunnels, and built a huge underground lair. Here, they lived for years, growing, evolving, learning, and now they are coming out into the open again. There have been reports in Texas of huge stickmen roaming the streets at night, slaughtering cattle in the countryside, and stealing babies. "They're big mothers," said one Texan, when asked to describe what he saw. "They're not white anymore, no, nuh-uh. They're outlined in black... Scarier, if ya ask me. And they wear clothes. One came up just over that hill yesterday, and when he saw me, he just turned around. I thought he might be goin to get some of his stick friends, so I went home and got my rifle. Sure'nuff, about 7 of'em came down, and I blew the crap outa all of'em. Two of e'm before they got close, could've passed for normal people. Strange though, they all seemed to turn to ash as soon as they died." One stickman was seen in a city, during a car commercial. Apparently he had just killed someone, and was doing a victory dance, and Joe Walsh, recognizing this as one of the foul stickmen, kindly smashed him with his car. We'd like to thank Joe for his valiant efforts. We have found the scene, enlarged it, and isolated the incident so there are no distractions. See for yourself.

There it is folks, my research, and proof that the stickmen are here, they've been here, and they're gonna get us back for what we've done. We must unite together as one world to fight these stickmen, before it's too late!